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if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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