I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
