I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
