apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
