ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
