Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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