Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize