I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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