we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
