Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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