He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
