If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
