no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
