her vagine was all disorganized.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
