Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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