Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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