Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
