Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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