after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
