Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
