My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
