Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
