arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
