You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
