Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
