well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
