ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
