I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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