Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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