May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Green mimosas i think yes
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
