Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize