lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
