I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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