you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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