While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
