Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
