You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize