peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
