STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
