Already got asked if we're dating
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
