I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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