my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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