you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My vagina is officially offended.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
