if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
