i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
