It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's just like the Real World with babies
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
