I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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