im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
