Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
