oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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