it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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