I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
