I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
