so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
