He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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