There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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