1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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