im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
