Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
