we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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