why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
