whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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