Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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