Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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