My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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