Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
