ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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