Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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