Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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