His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
