come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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