one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
