I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize