Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize