we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
