margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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