Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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