peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
