my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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