She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
