I want to have your abortion
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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