Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
