I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize