Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
